System Etiquette Questionaire

What do you go by collectively? (a system name, a shared username, group pronouns... etc)

Our system name is the Tentakraken Collective, and we collectively use they/them pronouns.

How should people refer to you? (should people address individual members whenever possible, or would you rather be referred to collectively, etc)

We'd prefer to be referred to as individuals when possible, unless it's not safe to or we're around someone that doesn't know.

What terms do you prefer for referring to yourselves as individuals (headmate/system member/...), or as a group (system/collective/...)? Is there any other terminology for yourselves or aspects of your experience that you use and want people to know, or that you dislike and want people to avoid when talking about you?

Headmates and system are preferred. We'd rather not be called parts.

Who in your system are people most likely to interact with? (names, pronouns, short Twitter-esque bios, etc)

Here's a list:

Will people be interacting with any child members? How should they treat them? Is there anything they should know when interacting with them?

Kyu and Sakura are the main kids that might front. They're 8-10 and 13 respectively. Kyu is semiverbal and very socially anxious, and Sakura is very easygoing and excitable. Treat both of them kindly, especially Kyu; for Kyu, try to avoid making loud noises or sudden movements, and avoid touching them. You can curse around Sakura, but do not curse around Kyu. Do not expose either of them to adult content. If Kyu is upset, a good way to calm him down is talking about Pokémon.

Are there any system members who are nonverbal or otherwise have difficulty communicating? What should others expect when speaking with them? (having other system members translate, can speak normally over text but will need accommodation over voice, etc)

Yes, some system members are nonverbal. They can communicate over text or emote and will use either a notes app or message you with what they want to say. They're perfectly capable of understanding normal speech and should be treated normally.

What should people do if they don't know who's at front?

If it's safe, you're more than welcome to ask. If it's not safe (in public spaces and around family), feel free to shoot a text and ask privately.

Is it okay for people to ask if they can talk to someone who isn't at front at the moment?

Depends on the situation. If it's a generally relaxed situation, you can try, though we can't guarentee you'll be able to reach them directly. If nothing else, we can pass a message.

If someone talks to one of you, will other system members be aware of the conversation? Will they be actively watching, or just able to remember it later?

No, other system members will not be aware of the conversation unless they choose to actively pay attention or dig through memories, which they normally don't unless something went wrong in the conversation. Nancy will always be aware of the conversation, but she can leave front if necessary to give you privacy.

Adding onto the above – if multiple system members will be aware of a conversation, will they want to chime in? If someone wants to speak to a system member one-on-one, what expectations can they have and how should they communicate this? (for example, it may not be possible to block everyone out but they can try to pay attention to something else and not interrupt)

Depends on the conversation topic. If it's interesting to them, they probably will want to chime in. If you want to talk to only one person, specify that you only want to talk to them, and that you want no one else to be present in that conversation. The only time someone might butt in is if the kids start to feel distressed.

How out are you? What should people do when talking to people who don't know you're plural? (do you have a “singletsona” name and pronouns they should use; can they talk about knowing someone who's plural in nonspecific terms, without naming you; etc)

We're barely out at all. Only some close friends and our mom know, and that's it. If talking to someone who doesn't know, pretend we're not plural. Use the name Viktor and he/they pronouns. Try to avoid talking about us as plural indirectly unless you're around our family and have no better options.

Do you have any internal communication difficulties, memory issues, switch triggers, etc that others should be mindful of?

We have serious issues communicating and remembering things that happened when we weren't in front. We're not comfortable sharing any switch triggers.

Your stance on being asked questions? (about personal experience, preferences, plurality in general, etc)

Time and place matter. If it's not the time or place, or you're not sure it's okay, wait for a better time. If it's safe and won't cause problems, and the time feels right, feel free to ask most of us questions. Do not ask the kids and teens questions unless you absolutely have to. We also will not answer questions we aren't comfortable with. Don't push your luck.

Is there anything else others should know?

Generally, the lot of us are pretty chillaxed about most shit, but a general piece of advice is "don't fuck around and find out." Be nice.

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